


Connor Finds a Crowbar

by SadNewsShawn



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Birds, Canon, Gamera - Freeform, M/M, Minor Violence, Multi, Whole lotta birds, Wholesome fun for the wholesome family, lots of birds, parks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21527683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadNewsShawn/pseuds/SadNewsShawn
Summary: A trip to the park on a beautiful day
Relationships: Connor/Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Hank Anderson & Carl Manfred
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	Connor Finds a Crowbar

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MxSalad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MxSalad/gifts).



It was a beautiful, sunny day at the Giant Sculpture Honoring Fisting and Its Nearby Lake Park. The park was named for the giant sculpture honoring fisting, and its nearby lake. The birds were singing, at a volume pleasant enough for background ambience without being distracting. The city of Detroit itself was thick with the air of extremely subtle metaphors.

The Giant Sculpture Honoring Fisting and Its Nearby Lake Park housed a playground of aged steel containing slides, swingsets, climbable structures, and sports equipment, all in great disrepair. The equipment promised both fun and tetanus to anyone who came to visit. Markus and Connor were present, climbing around the playground facilities. They had some difficulty in doing so, as the structures were designed for smaller, elementary school aged humandroids. 

Across from the playground, running parallel to the sidewalk path, Hank sat on a wooden bench. He was holding a bag of peanuts. Each time Hank moved a peanut from the bag to his mouth, a bird popped out of his beard and ate the peanut. Hank was used to this, as the bird had lived in his beard since before he started growing it. He was still hungry, though.

Next to Hank was Carl, having parked his wheelchair in the grass. He stared silently into the distance, in the way done so by older, more philosophical author inserts such as himself. He muttered something profound about life and the things that happen in it, but it wasn't important.

Markus and Connor swung across a set of monkey bars. This section of the playground was easier for them since they were tall enough that their feet were flat against the ground the entire time. They were also not monkeys. Connor laughed as he scampered about. Markus laughed less, for it was painful to laugh due to the bronchitis.

As he watched the two adults trip and fall across the playground, Hank pulled a flask of whiskey from one side of his coat. He opened the flask to drink from the flask, but the flask was empty. Hank pulled a second flask of whiskey from the other side of his coat. He opened the second flask and poured the whiskey contained within into the first flask, then closed the second flask and ate it. Hank kept the flasks on his person because of the alcoholism. Carl was also still there, existing existentially.

"It's hard to be a single dad, isn't it?" Hank asked.

"Not really." Carl said. "I'm rich."

Hank nodded. It was true. Carl was rich.

Marcus and Konnor were now on the tetherball court playing tetherball, batting the ball back and forth while it remained tethered. Connor hit the ball with great force towards Markus. Markus failed the button prompt, and the ball smashed into his head, destroying his right eye. He fell to the ground, writhing in pain as blue blood stained the scorching hot cement the playground was built upon. Connor continued to hit the tetherball as it came back to him, despite Markus' absence. It may have been because he was now a prisoner of the tetherball game, unable to win or lose. It may have also been because it was fun, and Connor enjoyed fun things. It was impossible to tell which reason was correct.

Across the park, an android was sweeping up leaves with a broom. The police came and shot the android in the head. 

Markus struggled to crawl across the park to the dead android. It shouldn't have been a struggle, nor should he have been crawling, because his legs were fine. Markus reached the dead android, took the dead android’s good eye out, and plugged it into Markus’ own head, replacing the destroyed eye. Since Markus had replaced his right eye with the dead android's left eye, he was now leftsighted, meaning everything he saw was now a bit more to the left.

"I'm a detective." Hank said to his new best friend, Carl. "I detect things. One time I saw a bird."

Carl nodded, understanding. But it was a lie. A symptom of the illness Carl possessed caused him to refuse to believe birds existed. He was blind to the birds in the park, to the birds in his house, and to the archaeopteryx that currently flew overhead. The bird in Hank's beard flew out to find more nesting materials. Carl watched it happen but did not see it.

"I'm a painter." Carl said.

"What do you paint?" Hank asked.

"Pain." Carl said.

That made a lot of sense to Hank. Across the city, the brand new house Kara had just moved into exploded due to a tragic gas leak. The bird returned to Hank's beard with a car tire to add to the nest. 

"I thought all police in this city were mindlessly angry with no other notable characterization." Carl said.

"The rest all are." Hank said. "I'm lucky."

Hank offered Carl his peanuts, but Carl was unable to accept as he had had his mouth removed.

Connor was climbing one of those big metal playground dome things. He slipped and fell through one of the holes into the interior of the big metal playground dome thing. He screamed in absolute terror and flailed about while lying flat on his back. The big metal playground dome thing was now his prison, forever. Thankfully, Connor remembered that all problems should be solved with violence, so he pulled out his gun and shot the big metal playground dome thing. The big metal playground dome thing jumped out of the ground, away from Connor, and ran into the street where it was hit by a car. Connor was now free. He fired his gun several more times into the air for no reason at all. 

Markus was at an ice cream truck, wanting to purchase ice cream. He accidentally brushed his hand against the side of the ice cream truck, infecting the ice cream truck with the deviancy. Now possessing free will, the ice cream truck sped away from the park, eager to fulfill its lifelong dream of driving off a cliff. Markus was sad that he was now unable to purchase ice cream, but it was for the best, as all androids are created to be lactose intolerant and not have souls.

"Is he your first child?" Carl asked Hank. Carl was talking about Hank’s son, Connor.

"Nah." Hank said. "I lost my first due to a subplot."

"I lost mine that way too." Carl said. 

"I have a dog." Hank said.

"I also have a dog." Carl said.

"No, you don't." Hank said.

"No, I don't." Carl said, agreeing. He did not have a dog. Carl preferred his animals to be butchered and mounted as trophies in his giant house. Hank and Carl were not aware of the ninjas approaching the two of them, just out of sight.

Connor found a crowbar and was now beating Markus with it, smashing Markus' leg over and over and over and over and over again. The sound of galvanized steel crushing biosyntheticplasticisms rang across the park, even louder than Markus' cries of pain.

"God dammit." Hank said, standing up. As he stood, peanut shells tumbled from his lap onto the cement sidewalk below, screaming as they fell. "Connor, remember to work on your follow through!" Hank bellowed.

"Sorry, dad!" Connor yelled, not pausing the attack. 

Markus laid in a heap, unmoving. As Markus was no longer any fun, Connor turned away and moved to attack the nearby fire elemental instead.

Hank sighed as he sat back down on the bench. Connor never learned.

"He's not using a golf club." Carl said. "He doesn't have a follow through." Several birds were perched on his head, but Carl could not acknowledge them.

"I know, but his swing is still terrible." Hank said. "He's never going to make it to the Masters Tournament in Augusta at this rate." 

Across the park, an android was feeding bread to the koalas in the lake. The police came and shot the android in the head.

Markus' leg was so damaged that he was unable to crawl. He pushed himself upwards into a vertical handstand and began dashing across the park on his hands. He was a faster runner in this position, even more than back when he had two unbeaten legs. Markus reached the dead android, took the dead android’s good leg out, and plugged it into Markus’ leg hole, replacing the destroyed leg. Markus now had two left legs. It was more awkward for him to stand, but it was thematically appropriate given that Jesus of Nazareth also had two left legs. Connor had defeated the fire elemental and absorbed its essence into his being, giving Connor +7 fire resistance and causing him to be weak against ground attacks.

"What's your dog's name?" Carl asked Hank. Hank was now sitting in Carl's lap, having moved to get away from the spiders that were eating the park bench.

"His name is Dave Matthews Band, but he goes by Sumo for short." Hank said.

"Maybe I should get a dog." Carl said. He had room in the downstairs attic for another trophy, next to the pile of rhino horns and the water heater.

"Dogs are great." Hank said. "They basically raise themselves, and dog food is cheap. It’s all Connor eats, which is extra convenient."

Markus and Connor were now at the shore of the lake, crowding over something that Hank couldn't see.

"What'd you two find over there?" Hank whispered.

"It's a snapping turtle!" Connor called back, excitedly. This was by far the greatest moment of his entire life. It was also the greatest moment of Markus' life, but I don't like him as much as Connor, so I didn’t want to mention it.

"Well, don't let it bite your finger off." Hank said. "You don't want it to get a taste for android blood."

"Dad, it bit my finger off!" Connor said, now with one less finger. The finger had been bitten off by the snapping turtle.

"Great. Now it's going to turn into a Gamera." Carl said. He was not in the mood to deal with a Gamera right now.

"No, it needs to be exposed to radiation to turn into a Gamera. It'll just become a vampire now." Hank said. He was the world's foremost expert on both Gameras and vampires.

"I always forget that part." Carl said. He stood up out of his wheelchair, causing Hank to fall out of his lap onto the cement, where he shattered like glass into a thousand pieces. Carl started walking towards the lake. "Kids, grab that vampire snapping turtle. We're going to take it to the power plant and turn it into a Gamera."

"Yaaaay!" Connor and Markus said.

**Author's Note:**

> hhhhhhhhhhhh
> 
> i love you sal this is all your fault


End file.
